NOTE: Bumped to the top for obvious reasons: I love her hair!
Courteney Cox’s in a Bikini Again
NOTE: Bumped to the top for obvious reasons: I love her hair!
Chris Brown’s a Good Christian Boy
Mel Gibson Will Save Charlie Sheen
Gibson has been reaching out to the Two and a Half Men actor “for some time now,” a source says. “Mel’s trying to save this guy’s life.”
Sheen told CNN’s Piers Morgan Tonight last night that the Oscar winner called him to offer support.
“He’s a stone cold dude,” Sheen said of Gibson.
Sheen also told Howard Stern about Gibson when he called into his radio show this morning. “Of course he did,” Sheen said when the shock jock asked if Gibson had called. “Mel’s a rock star. I love him…I’m a huge fan and I think he’s a beautiful man.”
Charlie also revealed that Sean Penn stopped by the house to offer his support, so I’m starting to think this is becoming less about checking up on him and more about him filling a boxing ring with porn stars so these dudes can get their penchant for women-punching on. “Alright, fellas, listen up. These are ladies we’re dealing with, so Uncle Charlie wants you to go easy on ‘em. — HA! I’m kidding, I’m kidding. But for real though, you’ll find a gun taped to each of your gloves…”
Oh, Boy, It’s Kim Kardashian’s Single
Charlie Sheen Wanted to Kill ‘Jew Pig’ Manager, According to Restraining Order
Details of Brooke Mueller’s restraining order against Charlie Sheen are being released, and it contains multiple instances of him acting like… well, Charlie Sheen. He’s of course denied all the accusations by calling Brooke’s sobriety into question which sounds reasonable until you realize, again, it’s Charlie Sheen who’s spent an entire week describing his past drug use as “winning.” So technically wouldn’t she be winning, too, or am I trying to jam a logic-shaped peg into a crazy hole? At any rate, here’s some of the details including Charlie’s alleged plan to have his manager “knocked off” with that army of assassins he was talking about. Via People:Despite Sheen’s insistence that he’s not anti-Semitic in light of his rants against Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre, Mueller provided the court a copy of a text message from Sheen that read, “I must execute mark b like the stoopid jew pig that he is,” an apparent reference to his manager Mark Burg.
Mueller, in describing one of Sheen’s “increasingly erratic statements” says Sheen recently requested $20,000 in cash back from child support payments in exchange for a new home he was going to buy her, so that he could “have untraceable cash to ‘knock off a few people’ because ‘the people I hate violently are going to get severely punished.’”
She also alleges that following the Christmas Day fight, Sheen told her, “I should have killed you when I had the chance.”
On top of also mocking Brooke’s recovery efforts, presumably because she uses AA like a non-special person, Charlie also has plans for Denise Richards, according to TMZ:
Brooke also claims on the way to the Bahamas, Charlie randomly told people on the plane “that he hated his ex-wife, Denise Richards, violently and he was going to have her hair shaved off.”
Brooke says while they were in the Bahamas last week, Charlie blurted out, “I’m untouchable! I’m Charlie Sheen! I’m more famous than Obama!”
Look, I’m absolutely willing to concede that Brooke could be making this shit up because there’s literally nothing you can’t pretend Charlie Sheen has said at this point. Which is surprising because he always has “the best plan in the room” so you’d figure that would include recognizing 72 hours of crazy talk would set him up for that, but I digress. What’s important to remember here, and that so many people conveniently forget while tonguing Charlie’s ass with cries of “You’re a God!” is that two children were in a house with a VIOLENT DRUG ADDICT. To prove how adamant I am about that fact, I’m going to do something crazy to show just how fucking serious I am: LINK TO WWTDD.
You know what would’ve been awesome just then? A record scratch as a black guy goes, “Say whaaaaaa?”
Or Alfalfa’s cowlick popped back up. Either one
Justin Bieber is a Badass Now
The Great Charlie Sheen Custody Battle
On threatening Brooke Mueller:
Sheen called that comment “colorful,” but denied he had ever made it. “I did not. That’s a good one, I guess; I guess if you spend enough time around me, you can formulate things that could have come from my mouth.”
On why he didn’t honor the visitation agreement:
“I rejected it because I knew that unlike myself, her drug test would not be clean.”
On his message to Brooke:
“Brooke, I’m sorry that you felt this had to be done in this way, but this does not display any responsible parenting or anything that I’m familiar with. And I think that cooler and smarter, leveler heads can prevail, and I urge you to reach out to me immediately if not sooner and tell me where our sons are.”
Oh, it’d be “cooler” to let Charlie have the kids in his house full of paid prostitutes. Why didn’t anyone think of that? But, no, seriously, welcome to the cold reality of this situation: There are children involved and Charlie Sheen is an insane drug addict. To further prove that last point, he’s released photos to his new lapdog RadarOnline which show Brooke Mueller doing drugs when she, admittedly, relapsed last week – IN HIS HOUSE. Granted, I’m not a huge fan of sending kids from one drug addict to another, and at this point would prefer to see them tossed into the broken state system for an iota of chance in this world, there’s no way Brooke isn’t the lesser of two evils here. That said, it’s going to be entertaining to watch Charlie fucking Sheen make comments like this about someone’s drug abuse:
“Chaos and mayhem spilling out of the bag she punctures. I’ve been looking at it too long, that’s why I divorced the b*tch.”
Somewhere Martin Sheen and Emilio Estevez’s heads attempted to explode but resisted thanks to the powerful Martian tiger blood coursing through their veins. (I’m operating under the assumption it’s hereditary at this point.)
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